September 22, 2006

And Living begins again.

A friend told me once that biologically as humans we need to cry. That the chemical inside of us helps produce other chemicals in the brain and that not crying could cause stress and head aches. I never been one to argue with "non-crying". Fortunately and unlike friend I don't have a tape that "real men don't cry". (I think that is complete bullshit.) But let me say this so I am clear.

I loved my grandmother. She will never be forgotten. She is in a better place, although I don't know what that is. She is with her family that has moved on, and will watch over us if needed. I've said my goodbye and I will let get go and move on now.

For the past week it was an exhaustion draining my spirit. My spirit felt tired and weighted down. Now that we've done the work, had the funeral, and I've said my goodbyes, I am happy knowing I've done what I needed to do. I've shed my tears and can move on.

But life can begin again. If it is truly living. My grandmother always said before she went:

Don't bring me flowers when I'm dead, bring them when I'm alive.
- Marie Baker (Nee Jefferies)

And this speaks volumes for all of us. Do I need to drill this into all your heads, again? Does everyone need too. Grieving is necessary for us to grow and let go. But waking up from illusions, taking people for granted. Now appreciating the people who truly make a difference in our lives. How often do we tell people they mean anything to us. How often do you say "I love you" to the ones that matter. How do you show you respect, cherish and value their lives in yours. With gifts, with time, with words, with acts, or physical touch? Do you give enough hugs? Do you spend quality time with people. Give meaningful gifts. Say affirming words. Do things for people. I think everyones life is a message we can all learn from. What else is life but to experience. Experience this life before we move on to the next.

With that, I must acknowledge many things:

  • Chris Corrigan, you are a true ally and I never feel alone talking to you.
  • Na'chu'aht, another ally always willing to fight along side me.
  • David Dennis, showing me sides and helping me know what I don't know. I truly look to you for council.
  • Kristen kupits, love you and will always be inseparable. You also the first to produce me a niece/nephew.
  • Devan Williams, you don't know how much you mean to me, but I truly love and need you in my life.
  • Dustin Johnson, you challenge my mind and give me new area's to explore. I know there is a high purpose for us being friends.
  • William Wasden, words cannot describe how much you mean to me. Friend and ally always.
  • Shelly Joe, always love you.
  • Tiffany Joseph, my sister who's always been there for me and I will always be there for you.
  • Gary Gonzales, we will save our people, together.
  • Megan Paull, my friend of years, we will help our people together.
  • Jackie Gonzales, my #1 support and cheerleader from the sidelines.
  • Gibby Jacob, a friend who's always supported and believed in me.
  • Sheryl Rivers, an auntie I can always ask for help from.
  • Allan jr., my little brother who I love so much. You light up my eyes when I see you.
  • Nusi (Ian Reid), my big blue friend who shares his love with me.
  • Kahpelk, my mentor and friend. We will be talking together far into the afterlife.
  • Annimal, my cousin and friend who will help me as I help you accomplish each of our goals.
  • Susan Bitton, friend, buddy and supporter.
  • Ian Campbell, always believed in me.
  • Dustin Joseph, bro and buddy. We'll always be friends.
  • Karen Joe, who I know will always be there for me.

The list can go on but I'm going off those who've had a impact on my life just in the past couple weeks or those been on my mind. English, and possibly not even Skwxwu7mesh could properly preach the amount of influence my friends, family and just people who've had an impact on my life. Life and living mean so much to me. I always say in my head "Let this be the day that changed your life. Change it with no reason." And I hope that this can be the day I change my life. Live my life and create more of what I want in it. I will thank you one way another in my life time and I look forward to making new allies and friends.

Here are 3 commitments I make for myself:

1. Hug a new person every day.
2. Ask for what I want from people.
3. Start being committed and doing what it takes so I can have what I want.


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